So for the past 4.5 years of my life I have been 0nboard the big CVN76... and Wow has it been an interesting experiance. I am about to leave and I didn't think I'd be as sad as I find myself at times. I met a lot of great people in these years and have formed a lot of relationships that are just as close to me as family... and I want them to know, I'll miss them alot.
Ok enough for the soft moments.
I'm going to join culture shock dance studio. Get fit and try to convince Maleah that Go-Go dancing is a cool thing and she should mind it... at all. Do you think GoGo dancing is sleazy? I think it's an awesome way to network and get hooked up for fashion and makeup and shit... Even though i dont really do make up... LOL... But what woman doesn't LOVE the Camera?! Herro?!?!
Yea so about dance... I wanna be professional-ish... hahaha! Baggy pants... nice sneakers a beater and some tight abs.... I really am just in it for the Abs... I'm over the flab of 24. LMAO!
(__) 20 and now.... at 24 (__________) BOOOTAY! *shrugs*
Yea yea... so I'm going to feature on of my recent poems and hit you folks up later with an adventure.... until then...
Poem Preface: I tend to railroad my experiances in relationships together... borrowing moments and detatils from each... like a conglomorate of myself and the different woman i was with each... Here is my latest...
.i sometimes wish you were still around so you could read this and understand.
i couldn't stop staring at the ground
wishing over and over again that maybe
my lack of eye contact would encourage
you to silence and listento the sun warm our faces.
I guess this was always a problem.
you not knowing when i needed you stop
and me always needing you to stop.
This was a trip i usually took on my own,
listening to the somber melody of a hobo's
out-of-tune violin creep flat tones as my
imagination ran rampant cutting blades of grass.
I was contemplating life and Tea when you
called out my name from the entrance.
Your order was something like that of
a War between Italian and Brazilian blends.
You might as well have delivered a revolutionsome
where between 2 extra shots of expresso and no foam.
You were prettier than I had remembered, as our
last meeting was not so full of fond banter;
you still held your mouth slightly open while
you waited for some sort of result, you hissed
as coffee ran down the sides of your cup.
What did we even argue about that day.
All I could replay was the paintings falling
and arms flailing about as we remodeled every
insult and admittance of love, sweeping
happiness into the darkest corners of the kitchen.
And me complaining something about your endless bitching.
I never cleaned under the refridgerator,
it was too hard to reach and you always screamed
about my noncondusive efforts in resolving
absolutely nothing and i snickered snide remarks
at your denial of being the next Dictator of probiting
love and affections between the hours of 5PM and 6AM.
We worked so far from one another like we'd slept
in an infested union of sheets and skin and
relief was only served in break rooms once every 4 hours.
I thought of you every single millisecond
once you'd left, I never cared to make an attempt to
find you. expunging all evidence of belonging
to someone, to something, i liberated myselfso-to-speak.
from every un-natural act, and so it seemed
Love had proven itself to fall in this category
so I'd come here, to this spot in the grass to forget
you. me. us. how you took the damn dog. our laughter. and the
Vase your Mother sent us for Christmas in '02.
You talk about how happy you are, your career, your wife
and how absolutely perfectly fine every wonderful thing
has fallen into it's perfect place in your life.
And here I am, wearing the same smile i had 3 years ago.
giving the same reasons for the same mistakes
going through withdrawls, disillusionment and the shakes.
My eyes flood as you ramble on about whats-her-name
while i prayed to forget yours and exactly how you
smiled the first time i spoke it and at this point
i'm frsutrated becuase i can't get the ground to move
and i can't get you to stop; just stop and listen.
listen to the sky tell you of blue
listen to the walls recite my apologies
listen to the difficulty in the wind
listen to the tap of my fingers on your knee
You're beautiful. I break your sentence and
compliment your aura. You're beautiful.
So beautiful, I can not bear to listen
to how beauty found happiness and how happiness
sleeps with you every night and how we, we were
never right beyond the fact opposites attract
so i subtract and substracted again, myself.
and left you. stutter stepping over your words
the moment and the fact that the ground never moved
and how you never recognized my discomfort,
how you were always so caught up in your reality
of how perfect your imperfections were.
I tried to pretend to pretend to kiss you
upon my exit, but the wind chaffed my thoughts
leaving the back of my throat just as dry as the moment
and again you were gone and i knew then
I could only have you as I wanted you
in the silent requiem of my tea and that hobo's sad song.
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