All This Hair

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.30 Days of Poems. [One]

.I.

I am currently dealing with abandonment;

feeling left behind by more than careless parents,

seconds on hour clocks and the sun.

I dont like how it's making me feel.

.II.

I called security,

she hung up, told me

to grow a back bone

and no one could love such a twisted

tree.

.III.

I like to draw on my my hands,

keep thinking if I get enough sharpie

ink to stay on my hands

without oils of time wearing it off

I will find a way back.

.IV.

people keep telling me they saw me the other day.

I haven't seen me in ages. How did they know

it was me?

.V.

I wish i could

just as easy call myself.

.VI.

I forgot my name.

.VII.

I am currently over this

epiphany.

.Tabitha #4453.

the infinite recklessness of your hair
makes crazy.

you spinster,
hurricane force.

curly, fire breathing fairy;
i dream of you often. dancing on to water lilies
in the middles of hailstorm.

you never make much sense to me,
all I know is I am hear to love every shattered
glass moment you have.

and im here, straight jacket
and all.... hugging my
reflection.

.Morning Pages-#4.5.

I wrote about bruised ego's and spirits this morning,

bled out inconsistencies my 9 year old bosom should have never

know. Spoke of loss no child should ever feel.

and am whole

for this hour.

.Woman #887.

woman,

you have suspended the heaven

from your breast.

breathed tides to still waters

and moved the earth with your

nervous feet.

You,

fire breathing sunset woman

why dont you know the worth held in your palms.

why not see

molten life spilling from between your legs

as holy.

rain dance on cosmos

and shower the tops of our head

with your beauty.

if you would only see,

you aren't some broken

down object

subjected to subjects of

late night sentences from

drunken tongues of those who dont

know your seasons.

that mirror hanging on the wall

aint no picture of heaven...

but of god

and of

you.

.Horizon.

i wanted to sing to you this morning,

caress your aura with the humming bird living

deep with in my chest.

she woke up extra early just to

lift your heavy spirit

with her ambrosia wings.

.Haiku #78965.

God told me he'd quit
if i couldn't let you go,
lost grace to keep you.

.Vanity.

I lost myself,

in my own reflection.

 

Ever got so tied up in yourself you stopped really interacting with the world.  I have been there lately.  So twisted and tangled in my own vanity i stopped noticing the world around… Started tripping over things, started crashing into my own ego and in the midst of it all I lost myself. 

So how do I begin to start over?… Reading.  I need to find the artist in me… not the stressor, not the insecure human…. but i need to get in touch with me beyond the epidermis…

 

that starts today.

 

Im fasting from speaking negatively about myself… and really myself at all.  The next 48 hours will be about listening.

 

48 hours.  I will not speak about any insecurity I have.  Im going to stop putting negative things about myself  into the atmosphere.

 

Fast with me!

.Love like Coffee.

I poured you hot,

waited for you to

cool-

-just enough to drink you…

i never loved you sweet.

.Random Thought-#2672.

you were heavy today, more than weak arms could carry,

even your name proved too much for my tongue.

My lips, missed your smile dancing across them

and the moon… The moon called me and asked me

when was the last time we danced on satin clouds

in her gaze…

----------

what happens when you feel you can’t pick up the pieces and those you manage to catch are all placed in the wrong place.  Ever feel like you just can’t get anything right?

-----------

The summer left me dry

hollow. weeping for spring.

.Random Thought-1368.

i used to write about the sky,

about longing and the human condition

and need i felt.

today, i

sky dived

from the moon,

landed at your feet

and still couldn't

summon the song

of all my past times.

I've written too many poems

about you, Love. And never

learned them.

I figured,

the longer i had ou tangible in my hands

the better i would get at holding you.

but the wind was always strong,

your rigid edges always cut,

and the red of my blood

was never vibrant enough to please you.

im no love poet.

just a being stuck,

in this condition

trying keep

you on paper.

Chenrezig--Compassion

“Om Mani Padme Hung”

 

Compassion… What have you done for  anything/anyone else lately?

 

It’s so hard to not be twisted and tied up in life these days as a lot of us are trying to survive.  But in that exhausting feat of survival i dare each of you to live.

 

Chenrezig Sadhana, Tsangsar Tulku Rinpoche expands upon the mantra's meaning, taking its six syllables to represent the purification of the six realms of existence:^[4]

Syllable
Six Pāramitās
Purifies
Samsaric realm
Colours
Symbol of the Deity
(Wish them) To be born in

Om
Generosity
Pride / Bliss
Devas
White
Wisdom
Perfect Realm of Potala

Ma
Ethics
Jealousy / Lust for entertainment
Asuras
Green
Compassion
Perfect Realm of Potala

Ni
Patience
Passion / desire
Humans
Yellow
Body, speech, mind
quality and activity
Dewachen

Pad
Diligence
Ignorance / prejudice
Animals
Blue
Equanimity
the presence of Protector (Chenrezig)

Me
Renunciation
Poverty / possessiveness
Pretas (hungry ghosts)
Red
Bliss
Perfect Realm of Potala

Hum
Wisdom
Aggression / hatred
Naraka
Black
Quality of Compassion
the presence of the Lotus Throne (of Chenrezig)

Karandavyuha Sutra definition

The first known description of the mantra appears in the Karandavyuha Sutra (Chinese: 佛說大乘莊嚴寶王經 (Taisho Tripitaka 1050); English: Buddha speaks Mahayana Sublime Treasure King Sutra), which is part of certain Mahayana canons such as the Tibetan. In this sutra,Shakyamuni Buddha states, "This is the most beneficial mantra. Even I made this aspiration to all the million Buddhas and subsequently received this teaching from Buddha Amitabha."

(SOURCE:  Wikipedia)

I came across this while reading my “Finding the Buddha Within” book by Lama Surya Das.  He speaks about our paths and how sometimes you simply can not ignore your calling as a being connected to this earth.  At some point we all must unite with the clarity of life and walk our paths…

 

I especially love this chant.

 

Time to go to sleep!  Good night.

.Sunday Grace.

I used to be embarrassed to rejoice and sing my praise for all the blessings God has given me… And For What?

 

Today…. I am thankful for having found the Woman in my life and my friends and family! We are traveling on a journey of life together…. Be thankful!

 

That is all…:) Life updates coming soon!!

Peace.

.Au Natural.

Ok… in this day and age it is so important for women of color to have this “socially acceptable” look… Well Today, I declare my natural curly fro… Socially acceptable for me…. so worl get to accepting or move out of my way:)

.Façade.

you carry alabaster smiles

in the curl of your mouth,

have aged tears hiding in the thicket of your curl,

you.

betrothed your soul to the ground i walked on,

ate the fruits my chest bore in every season and

still left me.

your

prized peace of earth, I should have learned

as the shores do at high tide... give enough of

yourself and surely.... if only for moments everyday

the element of water

will swallow you whole.

and leave you needing

more than ever before.

----------------------------

...

1 Corinthians 13

...and I will continue in this manor.

Good Night World.

.Facade.

.Realization of Truths.

Love can make you feel incredibly small at times.  I’ve had my fair share of roller coaster rides in life and in love and promised myself I would never take myself for a ride like that again… The past two weeks have been trying of my spirit… But i stayed true to myself and things my mother has given me along the way… I also know now… after so many experiences with different people who have come and gone both friend and lover… You can not make anyone do anything they don’t want to do so always be mindful to flexibility and in that there is no need to compromise SELF.

If you are on a journey of self discovery…. fly… be free and do that… it’s ok to make mistakes in the process along the way… otherwise, it would not be called growth.  We fall and get hurt along the way but never EVER EVER sacrifice your growth for another… no matter how much it hurts… That other person may need to do some growing as well.

THIS was my lesson over these past couple of weeks. I had to recognize that a very important person in my life needed room to misunderstand, not understand the “re-understand” themselves in order to jump on the right path… there were some misunderstanding, hiccups and heart breaks along the way but surely… perseverance was enough to get us through what we needed to tackle…

Unconditional LOVE is real…

Remember YOUR WORTH… YOUR TRUTH… YOUR PEACE…

“Think great things and great things shall happen.”

Peace and Goooooooood Night.

<3 Succinct.

.Heavy Tongues.

Im lost in a web of myself.

spiders never lie when you dream of them.  They told me of a change… I chose to not recognize it so i dreamed of them again… and now my heart stand at a crossroads.

i can’t speak your name,

its too heavy.

and im much to weak……

.1013AM.

i can not say i didnt have an awesome time... San Francisco was awesome. Life often tosses you challenges... I was given the challenge to decide what i needed to do in order for my happiness to be complete... I think I did well. Soemtimes, love hurts and is confusing... but it isn't hard to recoup from being hurt or low... it's all about the aknowledment of your state... and the reverence for the "humble" in life... Seek your own Solace but ensure you consider those in your path... and that does not mean sacrifice what you want for someone's gain... rather shows your maturity...

eh. im rambling... gotta shower... hasta luego...

I watched you struggle in the molasses thickness that was the moment. the same words fell from my mouth.

i, a broken record. you suffering from weak arms and legs trying your absolute best to survive the moment.

I have these moments when I aboslutely have to be doing something ever milisecond otherwise i will feel idle and my eefforts will be wasted... How much time does one have to sit and think about what they already know they should be doing.

Stop fearing your goals...you made them. Don't let the flight and height of life scare you away from actually living it.

PEace and Good Night world.